Chapter 7
Amaya:
As I laid with him I thought of all the possibilities of how I could escape. I couldn’t bare the pain, the beatings, and the torture anymore. Everyday I wondered if I’ll be able to be free again. I felt so trapped, mentally trapped and held hostage. Never would I have thought my first ‘love’ would be my last. I couldn’t even bare the fact that I’m carrying my first child, with someone that doesn’t love me anymore. Or someone that doesn’t care for me physically and mentally. Trying to hold my tears back so he wouldn’t see or get angry with me I turned my head.
We were on the couch, watching Letters To Juliet. He knew it was my favorite movie, so that’s why he put it on. Thinking it will cheer me up, well he thought wrong. Forcing me to forgive him and to love him….
“You alright baby?” He asked me kissing my forehead. I loved forehead kisses, especially when they were given to me by someone who loved me. I didn’t respond to him, I just turned my head towards the television. Maybe he’ll get the memo that we’re not on good terms.
“Really? Baby, it ain’t even that serious..” He said taking his arm off around me. I rolled my eyes, got up from my spot, and entered the kitchen. Rubbing my belly I decided to eat some ice cream. Slowly I hopped up on the counter to continue eating my ice cream. I was only four months pregnant, and I was slowly beginning to show.
He walked into the kitchen and came over to me. Placing his hands on my thighs and his head in the crook of my neck I started to get nervous.
“You gon share with me?” He said placing soft kisses on my neck. I shook my head no and I tried to push him off of me. He didn’t even budge, not one bit. Backing up, he looked into my eyes. I gave him a disgusted look and took a spoon of my ice cream. He began to caress my thighs and gave me a puppy face look. I gave him a small spoonful and fed it to him. He gave me a small smile and tried to peck my lips. Jerking my head back, I went into the living room.
“Babe, really? How many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry..” He said sitting next to me.
“Sorry doesn’t mean anything….You hurt me.” I whispered. “And a movie is not going to make up for it, or kisses..” I said a bit louder.
I looked to him and wondered what he would do next. Would he hit me? Push me? Multiple things went through my mind. He scooted over and began to caress me.
“Well how about I make it up to you then?” He whispered gently biting my ear. He picked my body up and started to lead us into the bedroom. I didn’t want to do this, I didn’t want sex.
“ Please stop.” I said. He gently put me down and began to undress me on the bed. Laying kisses all over my body, I looked into his eyes filled with lust. I didn’t want to do this, not now. With every move he made I squirmed and felt uncomfortable.
"Shhhh baby, relax."
As I laid with him I thought of all the possibilities of how I could escape. I couldn’t bare the pain, the beatings, and the torture anymore. Everyday I wondered if I’ll be able to be free again. I felt so trapped, mentally trapped and held hostage. Never would I have thought my first ‘love’ would be my last. I couldn’t even bare the fact that I’m carrying my first child, with someone that doesn’t love me anymore. Or someone that doesn’t care for me physically and mentally. Trying to hold my tears back so he wouldn’t see or get angry with me I turned my head.
We were on the couch, watching Letters To Juliet. He knew it was my favorite movie, so that’s why he put it on. Thinking it will cheer me up, well he thought wrong. Forcing me to forgive him and to love him….
“You alright baby?” He asked me kissing my forehead. I loved forehead kisses, especially when they were given to me by someone who loved me. I didn’t respond to him, I just turned my head towards the television. Maybe he’ll get the memo that we’re not on good terms.
“Really? Baby, it ain’t even that serious..” He said taking his arm off around me. I rolled my eyes, got up from my spot, and entered the kitchen. Rubbing my belly I decided to eat some ice cream. Slowly I hopped up on the counter to continue eating my ice cream. I was only four months pregnant, and I was slowly beginning to show.
He walked into the kitchen and came over to me. Placing his hands on my thighs and his head in the crook of my neck I started to get nervous.
“You gon share with me?” He said placing soft kisses on my neck. I shook my head no and I tried to push him off of me. He didn’t even budge, not one bit. Backing up, he looked into my eyes. I gave him a disgusted look and took a spoon of my ice cream. He began to caress my thighs and gave me a puppy face look. I gave him a small spoonful and fed it to him. He gave me a small smile and tried to peck my lips. Jerking my head back, I went into the living room.
“Babe, really? How many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry..” He said sitting next to me.
“Sorry doesn’t mean anything….You hurt me.” I whispered. “And a movie is not going to make up for it, or kisses..” I said a bit louder.
I looked to him and wondered what he would do next. Would he hit me? Push me? Multiple things went through my mind. He scooted over and began to caress me.
“Well how about I make it up to you then?” He whispered gently biting my ear. He picked my body up and started to lead us into the bedroom. I didn’t want to do this, I didn’t want sex.
“ Please stop.” I said. He gently put me down and began to undress me on the bed. Laying kisses all over my body, I looked into his eyes filled with lust. I didn’t want to do this, not now. With every move he made I squirmed and felt uncomfortable.
"Shhhh baby, relax."
“So how you been?” Russel asked me across the living room. Cameron and I were over at his condo just to hang out. I haven’t seem him in a few weeks so I thought it would be nice to stop by and have him see his God son. Russel has been my friend since high school. He graduated two years before me, but we met when I started as a life guard at the community pool. He's been somewhat of a mentor to me. He plays for the Lakers and he introduced me to my ex when I first moved out to LA. I love Russel very much, I consider him my brother and my best friend. He even went to USC for a few years and met Javaughn and Corahn.
“I’ve been okay. Taking care of Cameron and trying to keep that roof underneath our heads.” I said looking at Cameron who was sitting on the floor playing with his toys.
“That’s good.” He said faintly. I knew something was wrong, he didn’t seem like himself. It was like he had something on his mind. There was a long silence, all you heard were the toys being clanged together.
“Amaya, we need to talk about something.” He said looking at me with a concerned look.
“I know this happened awhile back…but I need to tell you how I feel and how I felt.” I set down my phone next to me and I gave him all of my undivided attention.
“Almost every other day when I see you, I feel as if I let your father down. He told me to protect you, and to be there for you when you needed me. But when you needed me the most I wasn’t .. I wasn’t there for you. And, I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and I’m truly am sorry….”
I was taken aback when he said all of this. I was shocked and confused… Mostly confused about this whole thing.
“Russel…. don’t you ever say you’re sorry. You weren’t the one who put your hands on me, you weren’t the one who forced me to have intercourse with them, and you definitely weren’t the one who would constantly try to buy my forgiveness,” Tears streamed down my face as I talked. “And you didn’t cause me any pain.” I said wiping my tears away, letting out a deep breathe.
He sat next to me and gave me a hug. He kissed my forehead and I hugged him tighter. Why would Russel even feel ashamed, the only person who should feel bad is him.
“I’ve been okay. Taking care of Cameron and trying to keep that roof underneath our heads.” I said looking at Cameron who was sitting on the floor playing with his toys.
“That’s good.” He said faintly. I knew something was wrong, he didn’t seem like himself. It was like he had something on his mind. There was a long silence, all you heard were the toys being clanged together.
“Amaya, we need to talk about something.” He said looking at me with a concerned look.
“I know this happened awhile back…but I need to tell you how I feel and how I felt.” I set down my phone next to me and I gave him all of my undivided attention.
“Almost every other day when I see you, I feel as if I let your father down. He told me to protect you, and to be there for you when you needed me. But when you needed me the most I wasn’t .. I wasn’t there for you. And, I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and I’m truly am sorry….”
I was taken aback when he said all of this. I was shocked and confused… Mostly confused about this whole thing.
“Russel…. don’t you ever say you’re sorry. You weren’t the one who put your hands on me, you weren’t the one who forced me to have intercourse with them, and you definitely weren’t the one who would constantly try to buy my forgiveness,” Tears streamed down my face as I talked. “And you didn’t cause me any pain.” I said wiping my tears away, letting out a deep breathe.
He sat next to me and gave me a hug. He kissed my forehead and I hugged him tighter. Why would Russel even feel ashamed, the only person who should feel bad is him.
Russel:
While I comforted Amaya, I thought about asking her how she actually feels about Javaughn. I need to know how she’s feeling, and if he’s messing with her or not.
“Aye Amaya, I need to ask you a question.” I said unwrapping my left arm around her. She sat up and looked at me.
“What’s up with you and Javaughn? You feelin him?” I asked uneasy. She took a deep breathe before she began to explain.
“We’re only friends. Do I like him… I don’t know. I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I’m not ready and I’m just focused on my son at this moment, but he's a cool dude.” She said looking away from me.
I knew what she just said wasn’t the whole truth but I left it at that. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Speaking of that yellow nigga, I wonder if he had told her about the get together he was about to have.
“Did he invite you to his lil get together party?” I asked her curiously.
“Yeah, he told me that the last time we were together. I told him I would think about it, but he did say I could bring Cam so I might just go.” She said picking up Cameron and sitting him on my lap. I nodded my head comprehending what she said.
I ran my hand through lil man’s hair and wondered why she didn’t cut his hair yet. Got my nephew looking like a girl! How you gon be having my nephew looking like a girl and his uncle fine as fuck… that shit ain’t right. Maybe if he stays over I could take him to the barbershop and have them give him a top fade….yeah that would be nice.
“Why’d you ask me about Javaughn?” Amaya said taking my out of my trance. She looked down at her fingers and began to fiddle with them. Every time she did that, I know she’s either thinking about something or she’s nervous.
“Because..I don’t want you to get hurt again.” I said clenching my jaw while looking up to her. She sucked her teeth and shook her head.
“Why would you think that? And why do you think Javaughn and I are going to get together?” She asked with a hint of attitude.
“Cause…… I know he wants you. He talks about you, a lot. He always asking for you too, damn even Cameron. I have never seen him sprung over someone since that bitch Alex.” I said very spiteful, just to have her name roll off of my lips gets me mad.
“Who’s Alex?” Amaya asked me with confusion written all over her face. I looked to her with a weird look, I don’t think I should tell her. It’s not my job anyway. If Javaughn wants to be with her then he has to let everything out the bag, as well as Amaya. Both of them are damaged, and both of them need to fix themselves before they try to love someone.
“That’s not my job to tell you who that is. Just know that she is bad company and Javaughn…..even though it may seem he lives a great life, he doesn’t. ”
While I comforted Amaya, I thought about asking her how she actually feels about Javaughn. I need to know how she’s feeling, and if he’s messing with her or not.
“Aye Amaya, I need to ask you a question.” I said unwrapping my left arm around her. She sat up and looked at me.
“What’s up with you and Javaughn? You feelin him?” I asked uneasy. She took a deep breathe before she began to explain.
“We’re only friends. Do I like him… I don’t know. I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I’m not ready and I’m just focused on my son at this moment, but he's a cool dude.” She said looking away from me.
I knew what she just said wasn’t the whole truth but I left it at that. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Speaking of that yellow nigga, I wonder if he had told her about the get together he was about to have.
“Did he invite you to his lil get together party?” I asked her curiously.
“Yeah, he told me that the last time we were together. I told him I would think about it, but he did say I could bring Cam so I might just go.” She said picking up Cameron and sitting him on my lap. I nodded my head comprehending what she said.
I ran my hand through lil man’s hair and wondered why she didn’t cut his hair yet. Got my nephew looking like a girl! How you gon be having my nephew looking like a girl and his uncle fine as fuck… that shit ain’t right. Maybe if he stays over I could take him to the barbershop and have them give him a top fade….yeah that would be nice.
“Why’d you ask me about Javaughn?” Amaya said taking my out of my trance. She looked down at her fingers and began to fiddle with them. Every time she did that, I know she’s either thinking about something or she’s nervous.
“Because..I don’t want you to get hurt again.” I said clenching my jaw while looking up to her. She sucked her teeth and shook her head.
“Why would you think that? And why do you think Javaughn and I are going to get together?” She asked with a hint of attitude.
“Cause…… I know he wants you. He talks about you, a lot. He always asking for you too, damn even Cameron. I have never seen him sprung over someone since that bitch Alex.” I said very spiteful, just to have her name roll off of my lips gets me mad.
“Who’s Alex?” Amaya asked me with confusion written all over her face. I looked to her with a weird look, I don’t think I should tell her. It’s not my job anyway. If Javaughn wants to be with her then he has to let everything out the bag, as well as Amaya. Both of them are damaged, and both of them need to fix themselves before they try to love someone.
“That’s not my job to tell you who that is. Just know that she is bad company and Javaughn…..even though it may seem he lives a great life, he doesn’t. ”